There is a Cinderella for almost every occasion. There’s the 1950s animation one, the Whitney Houston musical one, the British one, the very ‘00s one, the offshoot ones (Ella Enchanted, Ever After, etc…), the should-be-illegal dance one, and now, so help me, we are making herstory with the new “Girlboss” one.
I was unintentionally assaulted by the trailer on my Instagram feed last week. We meet our Cinderella shero (unfortunately it’s Camila Cabello) designing clothes for her business (see, this isn’t any old Cinderella – she has a JOB and a DREAM)! Billy Porter is her fairy godmother and bippity-boppetiess her into a blue pantsuit for the ball – before then turning it into the quintessential gown (doesn’t seem very #feminist to me). The trailer features townspeople singing Janet Jackson’s “Rhythm Nation” and palace guards chanting Queen’s “Somebody to Love.” It also features James Corden, because of course it does. I think he is one of Cinderella’s mice-turned-men, but I am unwilling to watch the trailer again to be sure.
In any case, it is amusing to watch Hollywood try to Girlboss the princess; sending an empowering message to little girls everywhere – the only alternative to being saved by a man is starting a business! Ladies, don’t wait for a man to save you, let capitalism do it!
To me, cryptocurrency is just like the Cinderella movies – there are a million iterations, and they are all a nightmare (save for the 2004 gem A Cinderella Story starring Jennifer Coolidge, with supporting actors Chad Michael Murray and Hilary Duff). However, I know some of you are keen to jump on this whole crypto bandwagon, so I have put my distaste aside (for both Camila Cabello and cryptocurrency) to give you some crypto investing dos and don’ts…
Judgement on cryptocurrency, whether positive or negative, is inescapable – the only constant is that there will always be an opinion. Business icon Charlie Munger has called bitcoin “rat poison.” Twitter and Square CEO Jack Dorsey said it could bring about “world peace.” (I tend to side more with Charlie on this one, but again, just an opinion). The discussion in this space is fueled by too much talking, zero listening, and a healthy dose of jumping to conclusions. So, without further ado, I will try and inevitably fail to play Switzerland…
Should you invest in crypto?
The Case to Invest:
If you manage to hitch your investment to the right cryptocurrency, you could be raking in returns that make the S&P 500 look like Kristen Stewart’s performance throughout the Twilight saga – which is to say, underwhelming. In the 12 months after Covid first began shutting down the US, bitcoin’s value rose almost 1,000%, to around $60,000. Plus, it’s still the early days. Some tech enthusiasts who claim to know things, think the world of digital currencies and blockchain is only going to grow more valuable. Shark Tank guy and self-made billionaire Mark Cuban says that blockchain reminds him of the early days of the internet – “when a lot of people thought we were crazy [to invest]”.
The Case to Stay Away with a 10-foot Pole:
The crypto market is a cesspool of speculation, and while some cryptocurrencies post huge gains, they can also be incredibly volatile. For instance, from mid-April to mid-July of 2021, bitcoin lost over half its value and briefly fell below $30,000. The crypto market is also only in its infancy. While banks and fintech have recently lent the space more institutional legitimacy, crypto remains a relatively uncharted and unregulated territory. And lastly, most concerningly, this headline: “When Elon Musk tweets, crypto prices move”. (Hence the whole market manipulation allegations)
I don’t know about you, but I refuse to be at the whim of a middle-aged white man with 7 kids (one of which, poor thing, could be named after a robot for all we knew) – at least not when I can help it.
Life reminders before you go down the rabbit hole:
1. Square away everything first:
Before investing in crypto, make sure you have all your ducks in a row (or whatever other saying indicates that things are organized). Square away your savings, emergency savings, retirement plans (hi, RRSP and TFSA!), and strategy to tackle any debt you may be carrying.
2. Investing 101:
Standard investing advice tends to encourage younger investors to be more aggressive with their portfolio. This just means that if you’re closer to graduation than retirement, you have a greater capacity for risk (due to a longer amount of time to earn income – I’m not being ageist). However, for the crypto novice, financial advisors recommend allocating only a tiny portion of your portfolio in crypto (i.e., 1-2%).
*Pouring all of your investment money into cryptocurrency would be the equivalent of accepting a proposal after a first date. You haven’t met the friends or family, you haven’t seen the state of their home, you haven’t even had the time to discern if they listen to music by Camila Cabello in their alone time (unforgivable). Obviously, that would be insane, right? (I’d like some of my friends to actually not answer that).
3. Cryptocurrency isn’t just bitcoin:
There are, as aforementioned, a zillion iterations of crypto. No matter, if you’re going for a popular coin like Ethereum or a buzzy new (stupid – see? Unbiased) token like “dogecoin”, do your due diligence. And if you didn’t know that cryptocurrency is more than just bitcoin – don’t invest in cryptocurrency.
4. You do still have to pay taxes:
Cryptocurrency transactions are treated, in the tax world, like “property”. This is to say that they qualify for capital gains treatment just like traditional stocks and bonds do. (There are some instances where certain activities involving digital assets are treated as income and therefore subject to income tax, but I have no desire to research or write about that, so if you’re interested click here).
Bottom Line:
There is no right or wrong about whether you should invest in crypto (unless you thought crypto and bitcoin were synonymous, in which case, there is a wrong, please don’t invest). Cryptocurrency is not mainstream. Only 14% of people in the US have crypto investments (lame of me to not find the Canadian stat but I didn’t have the energy). So, if after all this you’re keen to diversify your portfolio and dabble in a new asset class, do some research and start small. And if you put all of your life savings in dogecoin…you deserve what’s coming to you.
Until next week.