I am infatuated with 90s love affairs.
So naturally, I must cover the most iconic of them all – Johnny and Winona.
Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder were the quintessential sad-girl-I’m-misunderstood-by-everyone-except-you dream of the 90s. Aside from the fact that they were both structurally perfect, they had this sort of mysterious “I read Dostoevsky for pleasure and write more existential things in my journal than you do” energy. (A vibe I have tried and failed to assume for 25 years and counting).
They met in the lobby of a theater in 1989 for the premier of Great Balls of Fire! (this is ironic, but I will get to that). Winona Ryder (invariably wearing leather) is getting a Coca Cola at the bar. She is 17. Johnny is mingling – or in all probability being mobbed by every person in the building (heterosexual men included) – he was, after all, our 90s “it” boy (hello 21 Jump Street). He is 27.
Johnny later explained the moment to Rolling Stone – it was a classic glance. Like the zoom lenses in West Side Story where everything gets foggy. They both agree it was love at first sight.
Great Balls of Fire! is a movie about Jerry Lee Lewis and his unabashed love for his 13-year-old wife. Johnny and Winona met at that premier.
He was 27.
She was, like, almost 18?
Moving on.
After all the tabloid dramatics that inevitably grate on a half-teenage “it” couple, Johnny and Winona split. When working on Ed Wood after the breakup, Tim Burton said and I quote, “It’s almost like Winona took Johnny’s love. Winona took Johnny’s soul.” Imagine that. The only thing I’ve ever taken from a man is his patience.
Of course, fast-forward 30-odd years, Winona got a bit twitchy (as seen during the 2017 SAG awards for her show “Stranger Things” where audiences aptly noted that “you’d be hard-pressed to find stranger things than the looks on Ryder’s face”) and Johnny was accused of domestic abuse (before a twist happens and it turns out his then-wife was the abuser instead?). Everything under the probing and fluorescent light of the present-day seems to lose its allure.
In speaking of love affairs, an utter loss of allure, and my best transition to date – I would like to talk about my credit card. September, it so happens, is a time for moving. And with moving comes a far less beguiling notion than 90s romance – that of the credit score. I have written about this way back when, but to save you the trouble of opening up another link…
What is a credit score?
A credit score is a three-digit number between 300 and 900 that indicates fiscal trustworthiness, otherwise known as “creditworthiness”.
Your credit score is defined by your payment history (do you pay your bills on time?), the amount of debt you have (self-explanatory), and the length of your credit history (how long have you been using credit?). Your score is basically a prediction of your likelihood to pay bills. The higher the score, the better. In short:
No one trusts you with their money: below 560
You’re doing the bare minimum: below 660
You’re a ‘trustworthy’ adult: 660-759
People are literally throwing their money at you: 760 and up
Just this week I input my social insurance number, address, phone number, birth date, driver’s license number and any other information you would need to steal my identity into a random, probably unverified site. This was, retrospectively, an idiotic display of naivety, but that is not my point here.
My point is that the system thought it cute to process all my personal information – my on-paper existence – and spit out a big red “POOR” in regard to my credit score.
Also indicating, supposedly, that I’d be an untrustworthy tenant. It seems that personality points are null in these types of scenarios. So, without further ado, and because this was personally pressing…
Here are 5 ways to improve your credit score:
1. Pay your bills on time!
Easier said than done. However, your payment history is supposedly the single most important factor to improving your credit score. In addition to mortgages, credit cards and other loan and credit products, your payment history may also include certain accounts like phone bills, utility bills and even rent. (Late or missed payments can lower your score). If you’re like me and cannot remember for the life of you when your statement is due, automate your payments. (The banks lowkey don’t like this because they make money off the interest accrued when you don’t pay – so you might have to make an actual phone call to set this up – I know, a hassle, but I promise you, well worth it. Try giving https://gethuman.com/ a go, if waiting list music drives you crazy).
2. Keep balances low
Your credit utilization ratio (CUR) is the amount of available credit that you are using at a given time. For example, if you have a credit balance of $4,500 and the total credit limit is $10,000 from all your credit cards, the credit utilization ratio is 45%.
A low credit utilization ratio helps improve your credit score. In contrast, a high credit utilization ratio may lower your score. It is recommended by the people who know and recommend things (i.e., The Financial Consumer Agency of Canada) to keep your utilization below 35% of your total credit limit. However, if you can afford to pay your bill in full each month (see above), that will make your credit score happiest.
3. Have a longer credit history
The length of time that you’ve had credit products open can apparently affect your credit score. Generally, a longer credit history can improve your credit score. In my case, this didn’t seem to come to the rescue in any significant way. I’ve had a credit card since I was 15. And the computer still shouted “POOR” (this hurt in more ways than one). Anyways.
4. Avoid unnecessary credit applications
Your credit score can decrease slightly each time you apply for credit, such a new credit card or auto loan. This is also called a “hard inquiry”. Not to be confused with a “soft inquiry” which is where you take a look at your score. And either term is not to be cared about all too much because, well, it’s boring. (The decrease from the “hard inquiry” is usually temporary, but some lenders may consider having many credit applications within a short period of time as a warning flag). If your application for credit extensions or new credit facilities get rejected? That score decrease might not be temporary.
Don’t apply for that Amex card unless you’re pretty sure you’ll get it.
5. Mix up your credit types
Your credit score may improve if you have different types of credit products, such as a credit card, mortgage, and line of credit (if you’re reading this and have a mortgage, stop reading this – you are far too fiscally responsible for my content – I recommend literally anyone else on the Equity.Guru site). However, as aforementioned, you should only apply for credit when and if you need it.
In other news, Winona Ryder filmed Dracula with Keanu Reeves in Romania and during the wedding scene they had an actual Romanian priest do the ceremony. She likes to tell people that she’s been legally married to Keanu Reeves for 20 years.
And then she shoplifted.
Moral of the story, I know far too much and yet nothing at all.
Pay off your credit card. Until next week.