Meanwhile, in the US weed sector: Boardroom theft and startup horror

Two things jumped out today in the US weed scene that made me realize why I hate the US weed scene so much, and both deserve unending scorn.

First, Terra Tech’s (OTC:TRTC) board of directors decided to just, oh, throw an idea out there that maybe everyone’s stock but their own should be rolled back by a bunch.

Alan Brochstein details the suggested proposal, which no thinking man would ever vote for (which is not to say it won’t get voted for), in a detailed spray that should really trigger a board overthrow.

Show me what you got, Broch.

TRTC shareholders are being asked to vote on a proposal on September 26th that would permit the Board of Directors to implement a reverse-split on the common shares and other classes of stock but that would exempt holders of the “B Preferred” shares. B Preferred shares are held by insiders and entitle holders to 5.38 common shares upon conversion and also offer extra voting rights.

The company, if it conducts a reverse-split, would exchange each share of common stock for a smaller number of shares, ranging from as few as 0.05 (1:20) to as many as 0.20 (1:5). At present, the B Preferred shares, including conversion of the Z Preferred, would represent approximately 215mm of the 779mm shares, or 27.6%.

With a 1:5 reverse-split, the 215mm shares would not change, while all other shares would be subject. This would boost the ownership of the B Preferred holders to 65.6%.

In the event the reverse-split were 1:20, the ownership of the company by the B Preferred holders would soar to 88.4%!

There may be some reason that justifies this seemingly self-serving action, but our repeated efforts to learn directly from the company were ignored, leaving us to conclude that the answer is the obvious one: Insider enrichment.

Say what you will about the over-regulated nature of Canada’s markets, but if it stops local shops from trying that kind of swindle on, I’m all for it.

Second on deck, the Canopy Weed Accelerator program in California (no relation to CGC) announced nine startups that it would showcase in its Berkley Accelerator Program, and, good god, they’re all horrible. Every one.

Once again, Brochstein with details.

Canopy’s Fall Class Profile:

• Printabowl, CEO Al Jacobs. Creating customizable up­market, design­-minded elevation instruments for the sophisticated marijuana enthusiast.
• HookItUp, CEO Sam Zartoshty. A cannabis­-friendly, but not cannabis-­specific, professional network that connects individuals, entrepreneurs, investors and companies.
• Grass­Pass, CEO Simeon Schnapper. A solution for dispensaries to incentivize and attract new customers, while offering them the maximum selection of available options.
• Gupta­-Daniel, CEO Benjamin Daniel. Creating marketing and sales data visualizations for dispensary decision makers to identify trends and effective acquisition
• MyStrain, CEO Chris Cimno. Creating a standardized database of symbols for hundreds of the most popular strains to help increase consumer-­recognition and dispensary presentation.
• The Peak Beyond, CEO Jeff LaPenna. Creating interactive smart tables that provide unique hands­-on retail experiences which educate consumers about industry relevant products and streamline POS sales systems.
• Blu Jays, CEO Michael Rottman. Streamlined rolling packs featuring pre-­rolled papers, herb storage, and an “EZ Loader” that simplifies the process of filling papers.
• AcroVape, CEO Jeremy Campas. A battery­-powered vaporizer designed to provide the user with a fresh-­tasting, safe and smooth dab consumption experience.
• Campfire, CEO Will Gaudet. A mobile app that gives users the tools to host and explore cannabis events.

I mean, these are just terrible business ideas. An app to host weed events? That’s been called ‘meetup’ since 2002. A social platform for weed heads? That’s Tumblr. A new vape? W00t! Can’t hardly wait for that innovation! A database of strain icons? Not since the Microsoft Word host Clippy has a more unnecessary tool been offered..

The Printabowl concept of 3D printing bongs is amusing at least, but if you visit their website, prices start at.. (cough) $300. Hey, maybe they can 3D print an apple core with a pen stuck in the side, so we can have that college dorm feeling of being high all the time, combined with the feeling of being completely mugged?

To show how terrible these ideas are, I’ll come up with two new ideas, right here and now, that would outsell all of them:

1: Doritos cooked in cannabis oil. You’ve got the oil in there to supply the munchies, and the Doritos in there to sate the munchies but, the more you eat, the more munchies you get, therefore ramping up consumption to an infinite loop ferocity not seen since someone came up with the genius hangover cure, ‘the hair of the dog that bit you.’

2: We use Pokemon Go styled GPS augmented reality tech to create an app that shows you where people are smoking up right now in your neighbourhood. Just follow the smoky lure to find fellow stoners, or drop a lure of your own. Double XP at 4:20pm. Evolve by doing shrooms.

Now, where’s my god-damned Lamborghini?

Come on, OTC. Make an effort.

— Chris Parry