Smart Money is capital that is being controlled by institutional investors, market mavens, central banks, funds, and other financial professionals,” states Investopedia, “Cash invested by well informed investors is considered to have a better chance of success.”

At a gut-level, following “Smart Money” is seductive.

If you invested in a shopping mall, and were then invited to dinner party to meet your co-investors, you would be heartened to discover a cultured and financially literate group.

Conversely, if you joined the dinner party to find your co-investors engaged in a full-fledged food fight, you might experience a sharp pang of anxiety.

Let’s suppose – embarrassed by the behaviour of the guests – the dinner-party host ushers you to the kitchen to meet your newest Super Star co-investor.

Leaning seductively against the fridge, you find a 71-year-old man with a stiff crown of dyed jet-black hair, palpating his own genitals while singing, “I’m a six foot, hot look, all American man, yeah!”

Such is the plight of dogecoin investors who woke up on Monday this week to discover that KISS front man Gene Simmons – is now one of their high-profile co-investors.

Every baby is born beautiful, naked and innocent.

In Mr. Simmons’ case, a sequence of external events transformed him into something laughable and grotesque.

In 2005, Simmons spoke with NPR’s Terry Gross, a decorated female producer and interviewer who holds an Honorary Doctor of Humanities degree from Princeton University.

The full interview is here. Edited excerpt:

NPR: Let’s talk about your studded cod-piece
SIMMONS: It holds in my manhood.
NPR: Right.
SIMMONS: It would be too much for you to take.
NPR: Okay.
SIMMONS: If you want to welcome me with open arms, you’re also going to have to welcome me with open legs.
NPR: That’s a really obnoxious thing to say.
SIMMONS: No it’s not.
NPR: Is that the only way that you can talk to a woman – to do that Schtick?
SIMMONS: Every since women crawled out of caves, this is all they’ve wanted.
NPR: So you really have no sense of humour?

Gene Simmons wouldn’t allow NPR to release the interview as an archive like they normally do with Fresh Air,” reported Erim, “Either because he couldn’t figure out how to make any money off it or because it makes him sound like a complete douche – my guess is the former.”

“Simmons’s status as a winking sphincter is not particularly controversial among the proudly enlisted soldiers of the KISS Army––his own son wrote a piece for VICE a couple years back lovingly declaring him ‘full of shit’”, reports Vice Magazine.

“Gene Simmons is kind of like a low-stakes version of Donald Trump: cornily opulent, a bullshit artist par excellence, and shamelessly willing to slap his brand on anything in exchange for a buck,” added Vice.

Searching the US Patent Database for “Gene Simmons,” confirms that the bassist has attempted to register 182 trademarks including, “Gene Simmons Wet,” “Nude Car Wash,” “Topless Car Wash,” “Trophy Wife,” and “$#it Girls Say”.

44 of Mr. Simmons’ patent applications were successful.

Elon Musk also tweeted playfully about dogecoin this week. “Occasionally I make jokes about dogecoin, but they are really meant to be jokes,” Musk said , speaking via the invite-only chat app Clubhouse”.

Dogecoin was briefly the No. 10 virtual currency by market value this week.

The virtual currency traded $680 million in the last 24 hours and is now has a valuation of USD $9 billion.

“A lot of retail punters are going to lose money on dogecoin in the long term because there’s really not much there in terms of interesting technology,” Nic Carter, co-founder of Coin Metrics, told CNBC’s “Street Signs Europe” on Wednesday.

“The only thing it can really do is be zombified and stick around and be an empty shell for people’s expectations and for their entertainment.”

“It’s theoretically very easy to 51% attack Dogecoin to cheat its network to print new coins (or steal coins from others),” reports Coin Desk, “Some back-of-the-napkin figures crunched suggest that it would cost roughly $8 million to attack the Dogecoin network for a week”.

“Why hasn’t it been attacked, then?” asks Coin Desk rhetorically, “Maybe it’s because it really is too much of a joke to be worth it”.

For a $9 billion joke coin, Gene Simmons is the perfect pitchman.

  • Lukas Kane
Written By:

Lukas Kane

Lukas Kane was previously the CEO of a North American investment news syndicate. He was also the Communication Director for a consortium of publicly traded companies. A Senior Writer at Equity.Guru, Mr. Kane writes about mining, cannabis, energy, technology and biotech.

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