ImagineAR (IP.C) announces ‘imminent’ deal, which hasn’t happened yet and might not, but it’s TOTALLY IMMINENT GUYS

07/29/2020

Look man, when I run my lance of justice through a piece of shit tech company that makes insane promises and almost no money, and its share price halves in a few days, I generally take a step back and let the dust settle before I go back in for more. It’s not that I don’t enjoy punching down, but what we’re trying to do here is convince companies to do better, not curb stomp a guy until there’s no pulse.

So after this takedown piece a few weeks back, I let ImagineAR breathe for a bit in the hope they’d clean up their act.

IP today is choosing the same ‘we got celebrities’ and ‘everything VR makes money’ course it once ran to roar upward for a hot minute, and traders are, once again, going along for the ride and convincing themselves money will fall from the sky any time you hit ‘record’ on a VR-capable camera.

If you want a TL;DR on that story, IP loves to put out news claiming big things are imminent, but those big things rarely land and have not, to this point, over several years of promises, led to substantial revenue. It’s a routine that previous management used to pull back in 2017, and new management (surrounded by a lot of the same folks from previous management) are doing again in 2020.

IP would claim it was ‘partnering with Microsoft’ on VR hardware. That has also seen no revenue, but got a short term stock bump so, yay.

The new ImagineAR is still working this same line today, ‘partnering up’ with a big consulting company but not getting any actual committed business out of it.

I thought my piece would be a good stopping off point for IP management to maybe chill the fuck out for a bit and quit the AMAZING news release claims. Just build a business. Do real deals, you know?

Instead, the boss put out a response video in which he declined to respond to my allegations while responding to the allegations.

Look at this fuckin’ maroon.

So I put out my response to his non-response response.

STOP IT, ME, HE’S ALREADY DEAD! 

So fast forward a few weeks and not a lot has happened at IP HQ, except the stock price keeps dropping. When I last mocked them, they’d gone from $0.425 to $0.225. True believers had got them back to $0.30 for a bit but relentless selling has sent it back to $0.18 as of today. Oof.

And that’s without me saying ANYTHING negative.

But IP put out some news yesterday and it might be the dumbest, most obviously desperate news piece I’ve ever set eyes on. I can’t believe, frankly, that IIROC allowed them to put it out.

Behold the glory of the deal that is imminent but hasn’t happened and might not happen but GUYS, ITS IMMINENT.

ImagineAR Inc. has been put on notice by a major North American sports and entertainment company (NASEC) that a contract is imminent.

As with all large commercial contracts, the company wants to clearly state there is a risk this deal may not close and cannot yet provide any assurances that it will close.

These are the FIRST TWO LINES OF THE DAMN NEWS RELEASE.

‘Hey guys, we got a deal! Only we haven’t got it and it may not happen.’

Given the size of the NASEC and potential time necessary between the company’s recent notification and actual completion of an agreement, ImagineAR felt this is sufficiently material news that warrants immediate disclose to its shareholders, even before the formal contract is awarded.

What in god’s green earth are you even talking about? Who does this? You don’t put out news that a contract is coming until the contract has landed! That’s just financial markets 101. If you have an LOI, sure, you announce that, even an MOU, which are worth less than my dry cleaning voucher, are something that is fair to post a news release about.

But this? This is terrible. It’s like they’re trying to take away my one true joy in life, which is digging to find fraudulent shit. These guys are just papering the living room with it.

Even the CEO, Paul Alen Briefcase Taco Alphabet. admits this is some weird ‘extraordinary’ stuff.

Alen Paul Silverrstieen stated: “We are taking the extraordinary step of advising our shareholders of an imminent material agreement with NASEC because we now expect it to be formalized in short order.”

But…?

“I want to emphasize that no formal agreement has been executed and that we cannot provide any potential dates for or assurances of completion.”

THEN WHY ARE YOU POSTING IT AS NEWS, YOU FUCKING GORMLESS BUFFOON?

Shareholders, help me out here. It’s not just, me, right?

Well, apparently it’s me and IP chairman Sheldon Inwentash ‘working together to short this thing..’

Oof.

For months this company has been saying big deals are coming, that ig brands are all up in their grill, but here they are in a news release about how everything is amazing and they’re repeatedly offering the coda that, actually, maybe not.

Though none of these discussions have risen to the imminent status of NASEC, the company can confirm that some are at advanced discussion stages.

Here’s me imitating ImagineAR:

I can confirm that, currently, a deal whereby Charlize Theron decides to quit her job and stay at my place mixing martinis for me is imminent. There have been no contracts signed and she doesn’t know who the fuck I am, but I believe a deal could happen any day now. I should also point out there’s very little chance that a deal will happen, but if it did, it’d be so boss and, hey, you never know. Maybe she’s got no taste, I don’t know. Might happen.

Look, I don’t care if people lose money on IP or not, because I’ve already given my warnings. But if you’re going to lose money, lose it on a better, smarter group than this pack of mental 2×4’s.

UPDATE: ImagineAR financials are out. $6k revenues. $1.1m loss. Amazing.

 

— Chris Parry

FULL DISCLOSURE: Charlize is considering my offer. Also, she’s not seen my offer. 

Related Posts

Latest Post

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *