Namaste (N.V) puts adult in room: stock surges as “Man Bun Era” ends


The “man-bun era” is now officially dead.

Namaste’s (N.V) April 25, 2019’s 2,050-word press release contains no mention of its enigmatic founder, Sean Dollinger.

On a personal level, that seems ungrateful.

Sure, he talked a lot of shit, and did a lot of crazy things – but without Dollinger, there is no Namaste.

On a corporate level – the decision to erase Dollinger from collective memory is smart.

From Day 1, Namaste was Dollinger’s dream.

Retail shareholders bought into it, institutional investors cut cheques, but when the financials were revealed, and the smoke blew away – everyone could see: that’s all it was: a dream.

“The big problem with Dollinger was always his Augustus Gloop-like insistence in being unhappy with anything that wasn’t the biggest, the best, and the hottest,” wrote Chris Parry on March 6, 2019, “Namaste’s board is actually doing exactly what a sensible person would hope they would. They fired the man-child with the man-bun, they prevented him dragging them through the mud in court by giving him a back office so he can pretend he’s still important.”

On April 25, 2019 Namaste announced that Kenneth Jones has been appointed to the board of directors and Chair of the Audit Committee.

Auditing is something Namaste has struggled with.

“Jones was a partner at Price Waterhouse Cooper (PWC) and is “a skilled leader of change in complex organizations, implementing high profile initiatives, under tight time frames and on budget.”

Namaste shareholders take note: Google searches of “Kenneth Jones Man Bun” and “Kenneth Jones Says Dumb Shit” generate zero results.

By mid-morning, the chart looked like this:

“We are focused on making changes internally and delivering results externally,” stated Namaste, having “made advancements to Namaste MD, improved focus on operational execution at CannMart.”

Namaste MD Re-jig:

Extended Compatibility for more devices

  • Improved Video Experience
  • Improved Appointment Flow
  • Improved Cancellation and Rescheduling Processes
  • Improved operational efficiency

Additionally, “Namaste is reviewing its entire patient care model and aiming to introduce a more robust operating and control environment for its nurse practitioners.”

With refreshing new powers of self-reflection, Namaste admitted that it has “experienced some technical challenges in its initial CannMart website roll-out,” but after deep analysis it now “understands the root causes of these challenges”.

CannMart Re-jig:

  • Creation of a technical blog
  • Increasing transparency
  • Establish Namaste as a thought leader
  • Attract top tier talent
  • Future sale of cannabis oil concentrates

If the above sounds a bit vague, that’s because it is.

The subtext here seems to be, “We aren’t as great as we said we were, please give us some time to figure out a meaningful path forward.”

In the same press release, Namaste announced that interim CEO, Meni Morim is working under a consulting arrangement with “a capped rate of $250 per hour.”

That rates him 6 x more valuable than a Canadian homicide detective and  20 X more valuable than a Tennessee Burger flipper.

On a recent Cannabis Investing Podcast Morim was asked to differentiate Namaste from its competitors.

“The simple comparison is what Henry Ford said in regards to cars,” stated Morim, “If I would have built what my customers asked, it would have been a faster horse. So, he works with them on the problem and builds something that is sustainable long-term. I’m very excited to be able to drive a product-driven culture within Namaste.”

In truth, operating a cannabis-related website does not rival the accomplishment of the 1st mass-produced automobile.

Kenneth Jones will be given director fees of $100,000 plus 250,000 stock options.

“The market does what it will do, none of us can change that,” wrote one contemplative Namaste shareholder on an investor bull-board, “We should still be at $1.40, so we will make our way back there soon. Financials right around the corner. Lots of great news to come.”

“Like most others I am very pleased with the addition of Kenneth Jones to the board,” wrote another investor, “His kind of experience is crucial for well run companies.”

“Bought @52 sold@90 wow who,” boasted one investor who quickly invoked the wrath of another: “Bs’n peice of shyt, go buy yourself some morals and a new personality with your pocket change ya bashing twatt!”

“Check out the previe supply agreements,” wrote another, “No wonder Namazon is flying HIGH! Lol, right giddy!! The Sean was a busy bun!!”

After a few weeks of counting pencils in the Namaste back office, Dollinger accepted a position as the President and CEO of New Spark Media – a tech company that offers “easy-to-integrate solutions to optimize and gauge user engagement through its suite of analytics”.

“I look forward to leading this company,” stated Mr. Dollinger. “I wish Namaste every success.”

Full Disclosure: No Equity Guru staff member has ever owned shares in Namaste, nor shorted the stock.

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Comments 4

  1. Keith Rydings says:

    As for the “Man bun” , does anyone really find it attractive/cool or any degree of nice…Really!

  2. Lukas Kane says:

    Keith, valid question. Footballer, fashion icon and businessman David Beckham was a successful (few people laughed at him) early-adopter of the “man bun”. We are not registered fashion advisors. But for regular men – without notable athleticism, charisma and wealth – we consider the wearing of a man-bun to be a high risk activity.

  3. PCHbard says:

    I loved that man-child with the man-bun. Be well, Sean, at least, miss you.

    • Lukas Kane says:

      Yes, we all loved the “man-child with the man-bun” for different reasons: Godspeed you adorable motor-mouthed munchkin!

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