Lexaria’s (LXX.V) business is going so well, they’re discounting prices 67%

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I’ve spent many column inches talking about how I feel like Lexaria (LXX.C is an incomplete business. That is, incomplete inasmuch as there’s no business in their business.

They’ve got a deal to have a Jamaican outfit manufacture ‘products’ using their ‘patent-allowed’ (as opposed to ‘pending’ or ‘granted’) technology, to distribute in North America and Jamaica, because the Jamaicans are huge weed exporters into Canada right now. </sarcasm>

And they produce a hemp-based tea that people are buying in such huge numbers that the company has announced a 73% price cut to thank them for their business. </sarcasm>

In fact, there’s pretty much nothing about this company that you can say that’s positive without sticking a sarcasm note at the end of it. Try it for yourself with any line of any Lexaria news release:

The ‘Timeless’ brand with Lexaria’s enhancements will offer Timeless’ consumer base improved taste and bioavailability for hard-to-absorb molecules. </sarcasm>

See?

Lexaria believes that the Timeless business network that spans three countries can deliver meaningful value to its stakeholders. </sarcasm>

Sure.

Lexaria expects to earn a minimum of $921,000 from Timeless on the sale of products assuming it enters all three nations. </sarcasm>

And I expect a blow jibber from a supermodel every time I step out the door, but I have as much chance of getting one as Lexaria has of earning a cent from Jamaica’s global network of retail excellence.

Lexaria was selling their ViPova CBD herbal teas (or trying to sell them) for $48 per 16 teabags. That’s $3 PER TEABAG. Unless they come with the aforementioned blow jibber, that’s insane. And likely one of the reasons why they’re not selling.

So now the company has decided to sell them for $15.99 per 16, which is a 67% discount (the company thinks it’s 73%, but their math is wrong) and STILL way over priced.

To compare the Lexaria brand with competitors, I searched Google for the best herbal teas in the world and found the following:

  1. Taylors of Harrogate Green tea with Strawberry and Vanilla: 20 teabags for £2.20 (CAN$3.69)
  2. Pukka Peppermint and Licorice: 20 bags for $7.88 (with free shipping!)
  3. Teapigs Caffeine-Free Superfruit: 15 bio-degradable tea temples for £4.15 (CAN$6.96)

Even the patchouli crowd’s superfruit-loaded ‘tea temple’ bullshit is 2/3 cheaper than Lexaria’s 2/3 discounted product.

But CBDs! ViPova has CBDs!

VipovaTM uses a patent-pending process to create a more comforting and effective process of delivering active hemp oil ingredients through familiar products. Our technology in delivering these ingredients makes us different.

Let’s just look at that again – they use “a patent-pending process to create a more comforting and effective process.”

What? Those are all words but, in that order, they don’t mean anything. How comforting is your process, exactly? What part of your patent-pending process is related to the comfort of your process?

Tea is already full of antioxidants and linked to positive health outcomes in thousands of research papers: VipovaTM brand hemp oil-fortified tea just might be the most important drink you have ever consumed.

Really? The most important drink ever? Because tea is healthy? Okay, so why is yours more healthy, Lexaria?

None of the statements in this web site should be construed as dispensing medical advice or making claims regarding the cure of diseases. ViPovaTM products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

</sarcasm>

Look, I know sometimes I might come across as harsh or mean to companies like Lexaria, which is probably run by nice people just trying their best to get by in this crazy, mixed up world.

But fuck that. Lexaria is bullshit. There are enough good weed deals around that empty shells like this one should be called out and run out of town on a rail. There’s nothing to Lexaria. It’s a non-company. It’s trying to stay alive by putting out bad news releases that fluff things to the point where they make no sense.

Nobody cuts prices by 2/3 because they want to ‘give back’ to their customers or because they’ve streamlined their production processes. They cut prices by 2/3 because nobody is buying their bullshit and financials are due.

And it’s always been that way. Back in January of this year, a news release went out from Buyins.net that said of LXX stock, “The total aggregate number of shares shorted since August 2009 is approximately 26 million shares. Approximately 40.82% of daily trading volume is short selling.”

In March, the company put out a news release that straight up lied to investors when it said, “The family of Lexaria Energy and ViPovaTM products have demonstrated to thousands of satisfied consumers the overwhelming effectiveness of this technology.

05/16 financials subsequently showed zero dollars in revenue for Lexaria. </no sarcasm>

Laguna Blends (LAG.C), which also has a hemp-based coffee, theirs more aimed at the protein consumer, is actually selling product and expanding on their offerings, which is why their stock is racing.

But Lexaria?

noope

— Chris Parry

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